Another Learning Experience

This past weekend was extremely frustrating, especially when compared to my experience at the Half Marathon. I basically had to deal with the annoyance of my own body's limitations.
I've had asthma since I was a kid, but it has always been a pretty mild case with attacks maybe once every two or three years. Of course, given the lack of frequent attacks, whenever I do have one, I tend to find myself unprepared.
On Saturday, I was very excited because we were doing "only" six miles at Porter Ranch, a location that was new for me for a run. But it was a little cold and after about 10-15 minutes, I found myself having a hard time getting enough air. And then I started a long climb, and it just got more and more difficult and I just could not breathe.
When I got to the first water stop at the top of the hill, I realized I had to stop and get an inhaler. Of course, I knew where my inhaler was. In the glove compartment of my car at the bottom of the hill. And it had expired in 2006.
I don't normally share medications, and I assume it was a pretty stupid thing to do, but one of my teammates had an inhaler that I was fortunate enough to be able to use, once I got a ride back to our starting point, and I felt a lot better.
But I was so upset. I was mad at myself for not keeping a filled prescription on me when I ran. I was mad at my body for not keeping up with my goals and for getting in the way of me finishing my run. I was embarrassed that I had to stop and get a ride. And I was upset for feeling like I failed. And then I was embarrassed that I was visibly upset. And most of all, I was scared -- of the attack and of the fact that I will be pushing myself a lot harder in the weeks to come...how will I be able to face all of that?
But I'm grateful to my Team in Training comrades. They care, they encourage, they push, they support. They followed up on how I was feeling, and helped me feel less ashamed. They also helped me view the experience as an opportunity to learn, not to mope.
So I have learned a valuable lesson, albeit nothing original: always be prepared. I got some updated medication and a pouch for my fuel belt, so I will not run without the inhaler. And I will take my medication before I run.
It's funny how I seem to re-learn the same lessons but in different contexts. This experience reminds me of when my former conductor, Charles Peltz, taught me (in an unforgettable but humiliating moment) never to show up to rehearsal without a pencil. I guess in the current scenario, my inhaler is my pencil.
So, armed with the proper tools, I ran yesterday around my neighborhood for the first of my two mid-week runs. I felt better, stronger, and more optimistic about what I have to face on this Saturday...16 miles. Wow. It sounds pretty ridiculous.
But I'm sure I will learn something else in the process.